Melissa Jeltema’s Coming Out Story

My coming out story and really coming to terms and feeling comfortable with my sexuality happened years apart from each other.

I grew up in a very religious and conservative area. My grandpa was a pastor, my family went to church every Sunday, and I went to a private Christian school until college. So being gay was taught not to be an option.

“I realized what was missing in my past relations”

I started to realize I had different preferences than the other kids in high school. When I was 17 I started dating a girl. It felt right to me, and I realized what was missing in my past relations. However, being in such a conservative environment didn’t feel comfortable sharing it with any or my friends for family.

I guess my friends started to realize something was different and started to speculate. They then took it upon themselves to look through my phone and read the texts between my girlfriend at the time and me. They then instead of talking to me about, it told my parents.

It was pretty devastating to me. I was nowhere near ready to come out to my family and friends and really hadn’t come to terms with it myself. It didn’t feel good, it didn’t feel like a weight had been lifted off of me and it didn’t feel like I could live my life in the open. Instead I became very closed off to other people. The people I thought were friends, I couldn’t trust or respect anymore. My family, being so religious, became so worried about what it meant to be gay and how that could work with also believing in God. I didn’t know how to deal with it.

For years and years after this incident I was still closed off to people. I never hid my sexuality after that, but I also had a really hard time getting close to others and opening up to them.

“I never felt like I needed to hide myself there”

After college I played professional basketball overseas for 9 years. The places I played and lived in Europe were all very accepting of homosexuals and I never felt like I needed to hide myself there, but the lifestyle of a professional athlete made it even easier for me to be remain closed off to others.

I retired from basketball a little over 2 years ago and met my now wife! It actually wasn’t until I met here that I think I fully accepted myself and my sexuality. She is such an amazing person. She is so giving to others and so unapologetically herself. She has made me feel so comfortable and loved for who I am and made me realize how sharing my story can help those going though similar situations.

“I feel happy to share my story with others”

Becoming more open with others about my sexuality and myself in general has made the relationship with my family and friends so much better. It’s changed how my family views me and they are really so accepting and supportive now. I feel happy being who I am, and I feel happy to share my story with others. I hope that it can allow others feeling the same kind of isolation realize that they are not alone in these feelings.

Coming out stories