Cora & Carina’s Coming Out Story

For most of us, coming out is frightening. And it never ends: almost every time we form new friendships or start a new job, we directly or indirectly come out again.

We know that this process can be difficult, particularly the first time: we are afraid how the people around us will react. And that’s probably the most natural fear in our queer lives! Personally, we believe that we do not want people in our lives who do not accept us as who we are: women who love women (besides many other things).

But this doesn’t have to be your opinion. You might not want to come out to everyone to preserve relationships that are important to you. And that is a valid decision! But in any case, make sure that you are safe before you decide to come out.

Our coming out stories are quite different from each other and, at the same time, quite the same.

Carina:

Coming out was and still is a long process. Looking back at my teenage years and my 20s makes a lot of things quite clear now. When most of my female friends fancied guys in the movies we watched together, I always fell for the female actresses. “But that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian, right? Society says that girls get boyfriends. So that’s the right way, isn’t it?”

“most of the people around me were straight”

In my adolescence, I did like boys and I did have boyfriends. My teens and twenties were good years, I was happy with my boyfriend. But towards the end of my twenties, I felt that there was something missing. And when most of my friends married and started to plan a family with their partners, I turned my entire life upside down. It took a lot of courage to admit that I find women attractive. I was a bit scared to admit it—most of the people around me were straight.

I told my closest friends who were very supportive. My mom reacted in an awesome way and I couldn’t have wished for more support when I finally came out. But it was a long way for me and I lived through all the fears and questions that come when we realize that we are not straight: “What if my closest friends don’t accept me? What about my work and colleagues? Will I be treated differently?” But after telling my friends and relatives, a new life began for me. A life in which I feel freer!

Cora:

In contrast, I practically always knew that I love women. My first experience was with a girl. But I didn’t reflect on or name my sexuality until many years later. For me, it felt natural. For a long time, I thought that I also liked men and had relationships with them. But at some point, I realized that I didn’t want this. Whether I was just reacting to societal expectations or my sexuality changed, I cannot tell. But I finally understood that nothing fulfils me more than being with a woman (and with Carina specifically).

“It always felt natural for me”

I never hid my sexuality, but I didn’t actively talk about it either unless there was a woman in my life. But even then, I didn’t come out in the ‘traditional’ way, but simply talked about my new ‘love interest.’ But this also means that some friends and relatives didn’t realize that I am a lesbian until years after I knew. I didn’t hide it, but I didn’t talk about every person I met either. And although it always felt natural for me, I know that it isn’t ‘natural’ for everyone—or at least it’s not the default.

Coming out stories