As a child, I always knew I liked girls. I was raised by a woman, my entire life I was surrounded by them. Women meant comfort, safety, ease, but I never had a name for the way I felt about them. I just knew I liked being surrounded by women.

As I grew older and started to learn more about sexual identities, I engrossed myself in any from a queer media I could find. As cliché as it might sound, I used to stay up at night and binge watch ‘The L Word’ just looking for any form of representation of who I thought I might be.

“I don’t know if it was fear from others or if I feared understanding it myself”

I didn’t date in high school. There were a few out lesbians, but I wasn’t one of them. I felt comfortable enough to tell one person of my new attraction to woman but that was it. I really didn’t dwell on it nor did I try to explore it further, looking back on it now I wonder why. I don’t know if it was fear from others or if I feared understanding it myself.

College was the real turning point for me, my university had an LGBT center and once a week we had group therapy sessions. During this time, I was really able to fully explore and understand my sexuality which lead me to come out as a lesbian in March 2014. I was inspired to come out after watching the TV Show ‘Shameless’ the character Mickey Milkovich came out to his violently homophobic father and seeing that really gave me the push I needed.

So, the next day I called my entire family, made the obligatory post to all my social media accounts and that was that. But I didn’t feel any different. I honestly thought after I came out it was going to be this movie moment, my life was going to change and I was going to meet my dream girl and live happily ever after, but that didn’t happen. Nothing happened, my story is pretty uneventful. My family accepted it, my friends accepted it and we all moved on.

After I graduated college, I got into my first relationship with a woman. That relationship was the first time I actually felt like I was a part of the LGBT community. My girlfriend at the time introduced me to this new world, which is probably why I stayed in that relationship so long. I thought without her, I would just go back to being the ‘straight’ girl the world saw me as.

“my friendship with him was the first time I ever felt comfortable around a man”

After my first relationship ended, I was a wreck. Just to summarize the relationship was a mess, but during that time I had a really close guy friend who I would confide in. We were basically best friends, my friendship with him was the first time I ever felt comfortable around a man. My whole life, men terrified me.

As I stated earlier, I grew up in an all-woman household. My mother gave me the talk at a young age about all the things a man will try to do to you. As a little girl I was always fearful, and I just never trusted them. So, when I met this guy and felt that feeling of safety and security I was confused.

My whole life my sexual identity was just who I was, I never questioned it. It was like a badge that I wore, so when I developed feelings for this guy, I was embarrassed to say the least. I was ashamed. It was cliché that my first relationship with a woman ends and I go running to a man. Because as lesbians we have all heard that we are just gay until we find the right man to straighten us out. I was scared to tell people, because it felt like I was losing a part of myself that I was just beginning to understand.

“the coming out process became easier because first I had to come out to myself”

After I acted on my male attraction, the coming out process became easier because first I had to come out to myself. It was hard and to this day I am still trying to understand it without feeling ashamed. I didn’t feel the need to make the same huge announcement declaring my new sexual identity.

I shared the news with my family and then slowly broke the news to friends and social media. I am bisexual, and that’s ok. I know there is this huge stigma surrounding it, but I am not going to let ignorance from others stop me from being me.