Amalie Lee’s Coming Out Story

I never had one big coming out moment. Instead, I came out in increments whenever and to whoever it felt safe to do so. I knew I was not straight from a young age, yet it took me some time to be comfortable with it. I think the hardest person for me to come out to was myself. I was dealing with a lot of internalised issues, and it took me time to fully own and embrace my sexuality. My queerness has gone from being something I hated about myself, to something I would not ever change, even if I could.

Having connected with so many amazing queer folks both online and offline has indeed helped me get to that point. I am still learning so much about myself and about other people. Seeing how much more queer representation is out there now warms my heart. I wish I had that when I was growing up. I think that would have helped me accept myself earlier.

It took some time from when I realised I liked girls, to when I dared actually dating them. I had to navigate two decades of internalised homophobia, biphobia and heteronormative conditioning. I was doing an equal amount of unlearning as learning. Moving from my small home country to London helped immensely in me being and accepting my true self.

“people treated me like my sexuality was something new”

The closest thing I have to a coming out moment would be when I got my first girlfriend. It was an interesting experience, because people treated me like my sexuality was something new when it was in fact something that had been there all along – I just had not been that vocal about it. Thankfully, most people were supportive. I am extremely lucky to have a family that has been nothing but accepting, and my heart breaks for the many that do not have that experience. I hope you find your own chosen family.

One of my biggest fears with being out was that people would see and treat me differently, especially as most of my friends were straight. Would my female friends feel weird around me? Would my male friends sexualise me? Although I have had the occasional off comment, most of my friends have been supportive and treated me the exact same. Importantly, my friends have been very open to learning and listening.

I am still coming out on the regular, and I do not know if that will ever stop. As a femme, people often assume I am straight. It is a two-edged sword. On one hand, it gives me the privilege to pass as straight in situations where it is unsafe or uncomfortable to be read as queer. On the other hand, it often makes me invisible to “my people”, which can be frustrating. I can often pick and choose when to assert my queerness, and when not to.

I love being queer, I love loving who I love, and I love our beautiful community.

Coming out stories