Saidat's Coming Out Story
"I am no longer allowing the fear of rejection or what others think to hold me back"Coming out to me means that I finally got to a point in my life’s journey to being unapologetically me! Was it easy? Not by any means, but I am so grateful to be able to say that I am living my life the way I want to; that I am no longer allowing the fear of rejection or what others think to hold me back. Did it take me over 37 years to get to this victorious point in my life? Yes, it sure did, but I do not regret the journey; I embrace it.
As an African American raised in a Christian home, there were a few things I felt that I could not do: question my family’s beliefs or my parent’s rules. Growing up, I never questioned my sexuality because I did not feel that I had anything to challenge based on what I was taught about God and religion. So, I did what I thought I was supposed to do, and that was live my life according to what religion taught me; nothing more!
So, I married a man, had two beautiful children, and worked in the church. But my journey in life as I knew it took on another turn when I met the love of my life, Kristina. Kristina had told me from the very beginning that she was a lesbian. I assured her that although I was a Christian, I was not judgemental, but in the same breath, I told her that “God could change her.” This phrase is now a joke in our house to which she responds, “…and look who God changed” Yes, I prayed for her, brought her Bibles, and sincerely thought that I was doing all of this without judgment.
It would take a couple of years, a family tragedy, becoming a widow and an upheaval of emotions for me to realize and acknowledge that I am, in fact, a beautiful African American now Canadian woman who identifies as bisexual.
“Living with pride took some time”
Coming out to my family was met with mixed emotions. Some in disbelief, some neutral, and others were praying for me to change. Living with pride took some time as I held rejection too close to my heart. And yet, to my surprise, I also found people even within the religious community who listened, wanted to understand me, and loved me for me, and to them, I am forever thankful.
As a forty-eight-year-old with two adult children, I hope that I am an example of a person living my life on their terms and with confidence. I hope it will encourage them not to waste any more time worrying about what people think but invest that time into living their best life as they support others along the way. Kristina is still the love of my life, and we will be confirming that with eternal vows very soon.
When I look back now, I sometimes think I was too quick to play the “blame game” for the reason I did not come out sooner, but the fact is, it was fear. Someone once told me to turn fear into strength. That is how I am living my life until I take my last breath: fearlessly and unapologetically.
Coming out stories
Saidat
Edited by Aislinn O'Keeffe
LGBTQ+ Entertainer
