Sal Pearman’s Coming Out Story

Ha, for me I think I’ve always known I was bisexual. I remember watching Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet and not knowing who I loved more between Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes! I’m still not sure…

I think, even knowing this, it was much harder to voice the fact that I was attracted to women as I had no queer role models to guide those questions and feelings, I think I felt quite isolated and would default to dating men to just fit in.

“that felt like some wisdom I really needed as a teenager”

I found the love story in Buffy the Vampire Slayer between Willow and Tara a real game changer – that your partner didn’t define your identity and that felt like some wisdom I really needed as a teenager. However, it wasn’t until I was at university, I felt safe enough, and had enough self-knowledge and freedom to really explore my sexual orientation.

I remember having some mixed reactions from my family which I found tough. I think that’s an experience that is shared by many bisexuals; that it’s reduced and labelled as a phase. That hurt me and shut down a lot of conversations I wish I had been able to have with my family. I like to believe that with time and better awareness those perspectives have shifted.

I also found it amazing to be able to talk about my queer crushes with my big brother and perhaps if I’d known how great that would be, I would have come out to him sooner. I like the way this coming out story has been punctuated by crushes…my brother and I both agreed that Nelly Furtado was the perfect woman.

But my coming out story is ongoing and evolving. And that’s important.

“I don’t experience some of the prejudices and harassment experienced by others within the LGBTQI+ space”

I think in many ways I am ‘straight passing’ which means I don’t experience some of the prejudices and harassment experienced by others within the LGBTQI+ space, particularly the trans and PoC queer community. So recognising that privilege impacts my coming out story feels part of my commitment to really understanding this journey and recognising that this experience is truly personal and intersectional.

“being non-binary and queer is core to who I am”

Now where would I say I am in my coming out journey? Well hello, I’m Sal Pearman and I identify as a viciously attractive non-binary hero. I’m proudly queer and use that term to describe my identity. I’m attracted to people across the whole gender spectrum and being non-binary and queer is core to who I am.

I was lucky enough to be a Companion and Facilitator at a talent weekender hosted by The British Film Institute; a retreat for talented gender non-conforming filmmakers. And being in that space in 2019, surrounded by other non-binary, queer and LGBTQIA+ people and allies feels like a wonderful and affirming place to leave my coming out story.

I’m here, I’m queer, I’m non-binary, it’s hard to rhyme with non-binary.

And I am so, so proud that I am visibly queer and that I came out and can live authentically as the best version of me.