Kotic Couture’s Coming Out Story

My coming out story is moderately uneventful. I grew up in a very small town in Maryland where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everyone’s business. I was never into sports or car mechanics like my brothers. I never had an interest in a lot of what society deems as “masculine”. I had more of an interest in Britney Spears and Beyoncé than Eminem and Dr. Dre.

There are photos of me as a child with Barbie and my first cousin was the sister I always wanted and never had. Her femininity and the love she shared made her my favourite person to be around as a kid. The Pink Power Ranger was my favourite person to be in my imagination and I just knew I was going to grow up to be as fly as Missy Elliott.

Approaching adulthood and freedom is probably the most liberating thing for all teenagers but especially Queer, Trans, Non-Binary youth who are looking not only for an escape but looking for familiarity.

“Finding who you are is a creative lengthy process that’s never really over”

Visiting Baltimore for the first time for Pride was the first moment I remember feeling like the stars aligned, being immersed in activities that related to me and being surrounded by Queer Folks that were exuding such strength, poise and beauty, it opened something inside of me. Finding who you are is a creative lengthy process that’s never really over but I didn’t know that as a 20-year-old.

Posting a photo to Instagram with a T-shirt that said: “All Love, No H8” holding a rainbow flag was my official announcement, even though I felt like nothing needed to be said. I was always who I was and I was working on who I wanted to be apologetically, it didn’t matter who it offended or affected. After posting the photo the daughter of one of my Mother’s coworkers showed her the photo and did the “coming out” process for me.

Through school and life, I never felt that I needed to declare my identity to anyone because it didn’t make me different or stifle anything in my opinion. The thought process of Queer folks being asked to define and display who they are to the entire world for public consumption is an interesting concept for me.

“My beauty and uniqueness is already present and powerful”

Queer folks are asked to display our entire identity as if we’re museum artefacts but in turn, we aren’t being treated as art. I was originally forced “out” but I don’t think for me I would have officially “come out” because my beauty and uniqueness is already present and powerful, it doesn’t need to be minimized and defined for others comfort or definition.

While coming out or defining ourselves can be a process of liberation and power for Queer Folks, I don’t believe it should be something that is done for heterosexual consumption or to bring comfort or alignment to hetero-normative identities.

The power of our existence is in my opinion to inspire, build and strengthen others within our community and others defining who they are in order to grow and nurture their true selves. Identity and access to it is a beauty and power Queer Folks hold and should be shared at their comfort with whom and when they want to share it.

Coming out stories