Kiran's Coming Out Story

"My sexuality is something that, alongside my gender, has never been binary."

My queer journey first started at the young age of around nine or ten. I was bullied throughout my childhood for being femme, “weird” and camp. For years the word  “gay” carried negative connotations as this sentiment was always accompanied by aggression towards me.

I didn’t know what “gay” meant other than that it was something that was considered ‘bad’. Soon, I realised that being different didn’t make me bad at all so I “came out” to myself in front of a mirror. To even utter the words “I’m gay” was scary but also very freeing. This was the beginning of years of self-discovery.

 “I made the decision to start living my life more authentically”

Between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, so around Year 9 – 11, I chose to be open with my closest friends and family about my sexuality. I needed to know I had people who loved me to be around me, especially at school where queerphobia (coming from the other kids and even teachers) was particularly rife.

After I had finished my secondary education, I made the decision to start living my life more authentically and in doing so, I naturally surrounded myself with people who loved and supported me unconditionally. 

At the age of eighteen, I started to realise I didn’t feel completely whole as a person – a piece of my identity was missing. Spending a lot of time connecting with diverse groups of people, reading articles and listening to my role model at the time, Sasha  Velour, I came to terms with the fact that my gender isn’t binary. At twenty-one, I  “came out” loudly and proudly as non-binary. 

“Having so many labels attached to me can sometimes feel overwhelming”

My sexuality is something that, alongside my gender, has never been binary. For years I self-identified as gay, but having shared my experiences with others I felt as though just being gay wasn’t enough to summarise who I am.

I’ve been very fortunate to be able to connect with people from the asexual, bisexual, and pansexual community who have broadened my knowledge and understanding, and opened my mind to new possibilities.

Being told “you’re too frigid”, “you’re too picky”,  and “you need to sleep with someone to get over someone” always felt wrong to me  – I was uncomfortable with the idea of this, even with hook-ups or dating. It wasn’t until I made friends with people who identify as demisexual that I truly realised my feelings were valid and “normal”.

At this point, I could really feel my identity was starting to align. On my twenty-fifth birthday, I once again opened up, this time about being on the demisexual spectrum. 

Having so many labels attached to me can sometimes feel overwhelming, but  knowing that there is a definition of how I feel inside, knowing what I feel is real, is incredibly empowering.”

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