My name is Chloe and I’m happy to be sharing my coming out story with you. Unlike a lot of experiences, my experience coming out wasn’t really a sit-down talk with other people but actually a sit down with myself.

In third grade, I knew I was different from other girls I knew. During a playdate with my neighbour friend, we pretended the other was Leonardo Di Caprio and kissed each other’s hands that were covering our mouths. I remember immediately thinking, but I don’t want to pretend it’s Leo? I felt incredibly ashamed and didn’t speak about my feelings for years. I grew up in the church and had been taught same sex desires/relationship were a sin and I’d burn in hell.

“I assumed I couldn’t be gay”

The years following, I still had my crushes on women but I had seen zero femme representation so I assumed I couldn’t be gay. I also didn’t know there were other ways of identifying beyond gay, straight, and lesbian. I wasn’t a tomboy and I still liked men so maybe I was just going through a strange time?

In my early 20’s I began having sex with women but thought it was just a physical connection. After all, I wanted to have children and get married but hadn’t personally seen a marriage between two women and have children. It wasn’t until I was 23, divorced, and had a beautiful baby boy that I allowed myself to really sit down and ask myself some really hard questions. I had to be comfortable being uncomfortable in order to understand what I truly wanted and how I would identify.

I feel so bad for the first few women I dated, omg. I was so confused by gender roles and simultaneously unlearning all the social constructs I grew up believing to be true. “Soooo who opens the doors for who?” “Should I pay or do we split the bill?” “How do we do IT? What if I’m bad?” Cringe.

“I’m attracted to whomever I’m attracted to”

Queer, is the term I use to describe my sexuality as it feels the most true to me. To me, it is the heart of a person I fall for rather than how they identify. I’m attracted to whomever I’m attracted to whether that be a cis/trans man or cis/trans woman…I just want to see what their heart’s like.

But I’ve come to a place now at age 29 where I am completely happy, proud, and confident in who I am. My name is Chloe and I am a queer woman of colour. That is my proud truth.

Coming out stories