My name is Dakota, and I was born and raised in Texas, but I’m currently trying to move to Italy to study at university there. I’ve always been a mix of introverted and extroverted, it takes a lot for me to get comfortable with people and open up, but I love exploring and travelling. I think that has a lot to do with my journey to be who I am today.

When I was 15, I came out as a lesbian to my family and friends. While my friends were relatively supportive (a few of them even coming out themselves once I did), my family was reluctant to come around, and we had a lot of issues as I got older because of my identity. 

“it felt like they were trying to shun my identity”

My parents have always tried to keep my identity under wraps in a way; they didn’t like me “shouting from the rooftops” about being queer. It caused a rift between us because it felt like they were trying to shun my identity in order to keep up the look of being a perfect family.

Then, in my senior year of high school, I really started to branch out and explore my gender identity. I would dress masculine, bought a cheap chest binder off Amazon, and would hide my hair or have it tied up constantly. I came out as transgender when I was 17, shortly after getting my first “boy” haircut, and after my 18th birthday, I was able to start testosterone with the help of my therapist at the time.

My family was really against my transition in the early months, and several times I was worried we’d lose contact completely; even now, almost 3 years later, my family still slips up on my name and pronouns sometimes.

“they were all used to seeing me as a girl”

Transitioning in high school was hard, especially since my town was small, and I’d grown up with my classmates – they were all used to seeing me as a girl. I had to deal with faculty and students both completely disregarding and disrespecting my identity, and I struggled a lot mentally because of it.

My whole life, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, but the years where I was grappling with my queer identity and the resistance surrounding it were where I really hit a low point. I had a few teachers and friends I could rely on, though, and I think that because of their help, I made it out alive.

Once I moved out of my hometown for college, I was able to mature more, mentally and physically, and I came to terms with my gender identity and my bisexuality. I was lucky enough to have top surgery in May of 2019, and now I really try to focus on creating a positive safe space online.

Without the handful of trans guys I started following online back in high school, I don’t think I could’ve ever transitioned as successfully as I did, and I want to provide the same support and community for younger trans kids or anyone else who may need some support while they’re figuring themselves out.

Coming out stories