At just four years old, I found myself feeling the essence of female. There was no dress-up, no makeup, no sisters, just me and my innocent deepest thoughts. It wasn’t until later in life that I even encountered the knowledge of what transgender was. As I learned more and sought out a mental health professional for guidance, things cleared up during my transgender assessment. I was in a constant state of gender dysphoria. I could only compare it to a depression with no cure, except hormones. 

Some might believe that transitioning early as possible is the best thing for a transgender individual. Instead, I waited for my moment to do this with all of the resources I needed to be a healthy independent woman, with an education foremost. I sought out a work environment where I would be supported and treated as a professional, no matter what my identity. 

My education came first. I was in my early 20s and had suffered internally from gender dysphoria for years. The very first day I clocked in as a registered nurse, I said to myself, “this is it; I have to make a change.” 

Resources are knowledge, and knowledge is power. The diagnosis of gender dysphoria is now becoming more familiar, but the knowledge of the resources after getting diagnosed is still lagging. It took multiple phone calls for me to finally find a clinic that prescribes transgender hormone regimens, most hormone clinics only participate in helping females balance their estrogen and males balance their testosterone. Last but not least, a plethora of information on the topic is found in “The World Professional Association for Transgender Health” known as WPATH. 

Prior to transitioning, my counsellor emphasized the fact that MTF transgender becomes sterile at an unknown time. Research is limited on exact time frames, so I took matters into my own hands and sought out a fertility clinic that could cryopreserve my future offspring. I was only a few months into transitioning, and they informed me that the samples were “low-count and low-motility”, meaning that the only way I can successfully have offspring was through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). 

“I was so thankful to know that I had the possibility to make this decision in the future”

Losing my fertility was very serious to me, so serious that I knew I had to come out as transgender that day and tell my family and friends. I know many transgender individuals who have surpassed their time of fertility and live with a decision that cannot be undone. Even though adoption is a beautiful alternative, I was so thankful to know that I had the possibility to make this decision in the future, for myself. 

I knew that the biggest obstacle remaining that day was telling my mother over the phone. We hadn’t seen each other in years, only phone conversations. She always made it a point to tell me how proud she was of her “son”, and I was about to flip her world upside down. It wasn’t until the phone was ringing that I realized, “this might be the last time I ever talk to my mom”. Neither deep breaths, courage, nor prayers can change how your beloved parent(s) will react when they hear such news.

After making small talk and telling her I needed to talk to her about something serious about my health; the words came out of my mouth “I’m transitioning into a female.” I never listened to someone’s reaction so intently, hoping for understanding. She embraced the words, heard my rationale, and took her moment of silence before telling me that this was indeed difficult to understand but that she would try. It wasn’t full acceptance, but I knew that the first reaction may not represent the reactions to follow, which led to more understanding.

That’s all that we can ask for as a community to our friends, to our peers, our loved ones, and to our family. I know very well that this is not the answer for most of my transgender brothers and sisters, and we cannot force people to accept us as a community. Instead, we become family for each other and hope for better days. Change is coming. 

Coming out stories