Jenna Vitelle’s Coming Out Story

I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t attracted to women. I think I sort of always knew since I was a little girl. As I got older, I masked it as “drunk curiosity”. I grew up in a very old school Italian and religious family therefore, I knew there was no way I could ever possibly be gay.

So, I dated men for majority of my life. It wasn’t until I was 21 where I developed deep feelings for a woman. And behind everyone’s back, I basically lived a double life as I began to explore these genuine feelings and broke up with my then long-term boyfriend.

I slowly began to come out to my friends and extended family. Luckily, most of their reaction was very supportive. In fact, some expressed a “yes, Jenna we knew this already” kind of reaction. Regardless of the heart-warming responses I received from my friends, I knew the acceptance I truly longed for, from my parents, wouldn’t be the same.

“He couldn’t fathom his daughter being gay”

In 2015, after I uprooted my life to move over 1,000 miles for my now fiancée, I was unwillingly outed to my parents. I was told terribly harsh things from my father that no daughter deserves to hear. Despite the fact that my dad and I always had a great relationship and I always thought very highly of him, he couldn’t fathom his daughter being gay.

In fact, we went just shy of a year without speaking at all. I was not allowed home. I didn’t attend family functions or most holidays. Even my mother and I did not speak for a few months. The toughest part was that I had JUST moved to an unfamiliar area so I felt I had absolutely no one through this hard time except for my girlfriend.

“what I do have is the acceptance of one’s self regardless of the acceptance of those around me”

I wish I had one of those wonderful happy coming out to parents’ story, but I don’t. But what I do have is the acceptance of one’s self regardless of the acceptance of those around me. I chose to stay true to my heart and my authentic self, regardless of the disappointment and disapproval.

I went through a lot of heart ache the last five years since I was outed. And even though I still go through a lot, mostly with my dad, I am happy to say my mother has come around a lot. I am getting married next year and the hard truth is that my father most likely will not be walking me down the aisle.

But that is a decision that he will have to live with. This is a process I am coming to terms with. I hope that anyone who also faces the lack of acceptance from parents can remember, even though difficult, that this is your life to live. This is your happiness to fulfil. Don’t back down from your true self, ever.

Coming out stories