My name is Dakota Kühn. I’m 32 years old and I live in Minneapolis Minnesota. I’m a gay male (well, I have a male body at least) who also happens to fall under the trans umbrella. I specifically identify myself as gender fluid and non-binary. Everyone is always asking me my preferred pronouns so I’m just going to mention right away that I don’t have any. I feel like I’m so all over the board gender wise in my daily life… Trying to hold myself to a single set of pronouns is too much to do and I’m fine not being defined any certain way.

“Well I’m just a girl in a boy’s body”

I’ve learned to love my ambiguity and living my life in the shades of gray on the spectrum between the two main genders. Looking back to my earliest memories, I’ve always felt like a girl. I’m not sure what caused it or why I thought that way, but I definitely did. I remember the people around me telling me I was a boy and I would think in my head, “well I’m just a girl in a boy’s body.” And it was as simple as that to me.

Things like cross dressing and taking feminine rolls just came naturally to me. It’s where I felt the most like myself and what I was comfortable doing. In fact, it really felt like the only option for me. My inclinations to do feminine things have always been way too strong for me to fully suppress them and I have a strong passion to do many different things that society deems as fem. I felt like I would be limiting my every thought and action if I were to try and be anything other than what I am. The older I got the more my feminine nature made the adults in my life uncomfortable.

“the world was not set up for a person like me to exist peacefully”

Passing comments, subtle jabs, social norms, and rules made it very clear that the world was not set up for a person like me to exist peacefully in. And I always knew it was complete bullshit. I always thought, “What’s wrong with me being feminine and why is this so threatening to people?” There’s absolutely no good reason for it. My whole life has turned into (an accidental) protest against these bizarre, unwritten rules against people who were assigned male at birth from being feminine. I started “officially” coming out as gay when I was 18 and was completely out to everyone right after my 19th birthday.

To be fair, everyone with common sense already knew, however the highly conservative circle I was raised in gave me a lot of push back. And to be fair I expected it. I had grown up around all of these people, and I knew all of the opinions and straight up lies that were told about the LGBTQ+ community. Even as a child and teenager I recognized it for what it was, cruel lies and propaganda against queer people. I started dating a guy almost immediately after coming out (still with that same guy now.) And in an act of self-love and self-preservation, I quickly abandoned my conservative circle for a much more queer-friendly one.

“If I want the world to be a place where queer people can thrive, then I have to go out and thrive as a queer person”

It was very painful for me to say goodbye to everything I knew at that time but in retrospect, it was one of the best choices I ever made. (The hardest choices often are the best.) I did however keep ties with my family, and despite having many different opinions from some of them, we still love and respect each other and get along very well. I always felt that the only way to instigate change in the world is to go out and be that change. If I want the world to be a place where queer people can thrive, then I have to go out and thrive as a queer person.

My life has been filled with a lot of discrimination and push back since coming out, and though it’s not always fun to deal with, I’m thankful for it. These challenges have made me stronger and created a space in my mind where I’m objectively analyzing my thoughts and feelings on this topic, which in turn has created a habit for me to objectively analyze almost everything, and that’s left me in a really good spot both mentally and physically. In addition to the push back, I have also been shown unimaginable kindness, and love from many different people.

I’ve seen so many friends / allies fight alongside me, and I’ve seen many hearts open and change as I continue to go through life openly living as my authentic self. So ya, anyways, I guess that’s my story on coming out! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. No matter where you happen to fall on the many spectrums humanity has, I wish you peace and good luck with your journey.

Coming out stories