Fabiano's Coming Out Story
"I was somebody that was constantly looking for purpose to make me feel happy"Well, my coming out story is kind of funny and it comes down to three special people: a girlfriend, her grandma and a friend.
I came out as a gay man when I was twenty-one years old, in my first semester in college. I was living in Rio de Janeiro at the time with my parents. I was somebody that was constantly looking for purpose to make me feel happy because I always felt unhappy and kind of lonely in my own world.
“I knew something was wrong with me and our relationship”
By that time, I was in a serious relationship with my first – and only – girlfriend for over three years. Pamella. I loved her, she is an extraordinary person, full of joy and wishes, one of the most amazing people you can meet. But I knew something was wrong with me and our relationship – I just didn’t know what, exactly.
So, on a Friday after my class, she called telling me to come over – date night, you know. After I hung up, I felt so angry, confused and sad – but I have no idea why. I threw the phone at the wall in the street and the phone broke in a million pieces, and the people were like ‘whaaaaat, that bitch is cray, cray.’
I went to her house, we ate, talked then and I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep that night. So I woke her up at 6AM and said ‘babe, we need to break up, and I have no idea why.‘ She cried, I cried, her mom cried, her grandma, her lovely grandma Dona Shirley – God bless her soul – told some comforting words and I said goodbye.
So, I go home, cry like a baby, then I go to my favourite place in the world – Itacoatiara Beach, my shrine (Google it, it’s an amazing place) – to wash my soul, something that I use to do when I need energy. After a few days, I met a guy in an online chat, and he asked me for a date. The plan was going to a bar in Lapa, Rio de Janeiro; but when we were heading there, we passed by a club, and I asked him what the line at the door was all about, and he says and I quote: “OMG, you don’t know this club?”, and I say “I’ve never been to a gay club before“.
“I never felt more free and alive in my entire life”
So he took me to the club and It was magical. It was a bunch of men having fun, talking, dancing and kissing like there’s no tomorrow. I drank, danced and kissed basically everybody who was there that night – I’m a Scorpio – and I never felt more free and alive in my entire life.
I felt embraced by the people, the music, the culture and the freedom of being that person I always knew I was, but never knew how to be. By the way, this guy’s name is Raoni, and he has been one of my best friends since then. We didn’t hit it off as a couple, but I got a special friend who I hope will stay in my life forever.
Coming out stories
Fabiano Gomes
Edited by Aislinn O'Keeffe
