Hawwaa Ibrahim’s Coming Out Story

When I was younger, I never really paid much attention to my attraction to other people. It wasn’t until I was older; 15 or 16, that I found a liking to girls. However, I never really gave it much thought. I had the mindset that if I had clear feelings for someone, then there should be nothing wrong with it. I believed that my feelings were valid and I had the right to my own emotions. However, I had a gut feeling that others wouldn’t feel the same way about me.

I knew how my Muslim family felt about the LGBTQ+ community at the time, especially on my father’s side. I wasn’t able to have that familial bond when it came to that topic. Even with common things like emotions or concerns. It was very much academic-focused for a long time in my family, so it was only normal for me to keep it to myself.

“Feelings that I was previously unable to put words to finally made sense”

Once I moved to New York City, I met so many incredible people who were so open and honest with themselves about their sexuality that I began to wonder why I couldn’t do the same. Feelings that I was previously unable to put words to finally made sense because of them. Ultimately, with my newfound support system in New York City, I began being more honest on my social platform. First with my gender identity, which is non-binary. Something I announced to everyone via an interview I did at the time. Maybe that wasn’t the most traditional way to do it, but it felt right at the time.

My mother, who follows me on all my socials, saw it the same time everyone else did but never really commented on it. Part of me knew that it was because she didn’t understand it and wasn’t comfortable touching on such a “taboo” topic and I didn’t have the guts to tell her directly. Be that as it may, the Muslim community on social media was a bit harsh. Often telling me that I couldn’t be a Muslim if I identify myself in this way or the way I’ve been portraying myself is “sinful” which kind of eats at you a little bit.

“I no longer had the energy to keep anything a secret”

With my gender identity out of the way, I only felt it right to tell my family about my sexuality as well. It was April of 2019 and I no longer had the energy to keep anything a secret anymore. I ended up sending a text message to my family group chat consisting of two little words: “I’m gay”. While my sexuality is much more complex than that, I tried to lay it out in the simplest of terms. My father stopped speaking to me for months, but my mother and siblings that I spent my whole life with had no problem with it and I will forever be grateful for that!

While I have been incredibly fortunate in having my mother and siblings support me, I know others do not have that luxury. It’s not up to the people in or outside your life to tell you how you should be. It’s up to you once you’re comfortable enough to do so.

There’s no need to rush or compare your story or experiences to that of someone else’s because, at the end of the day, you should be satisfied with yourself first. I will always be a proud non-binary, queer Muslim and nothing will change the way I feel!

Coming out stories