I came out at a very young age, by the standards of the time. It was 1998 and I was 14 years old. I didn’t understand what I was but I knew I felt differently to the other people around me and I battled with that, alone, for a good 6 months before I eventually braced myself to tell anyone.

The summer of that year, 1998, I threw a BBQ party out, where I lived in the Hampshire countryside for all my friends. Most of my school year came, and the party spilled over into a second day. Then a pool party and then a sleep-over for a smaller group of girls at someones house. I would never normally be invited to anything like a sleep-over as I was never part of the popular crowd but my summer BBQ had won me some ‘cool’ points so I was invited to join.

We all stayed up late into the night, talking and swapping secrets. It was an entirely alien atmosphere for me but I was keen to build friendships. It was 4 in the morning when I dropped the bombshell. It was the first of September. At the time, I felt I should be honest with them. I was young, naive and unsure how to broach the subject so I said ‘I think I might be bisexual’.

“others didn’t want me sleeping next to them anymore”

I did not get the response I wanted, although some people were gentle and talked it through with me, others didn’t want me sleeping next to them anymore. I felt a strange hostility building in the room. The next day, although I went home, the others neglected to tell me they were continuing the sleep over without me. And although they were all sworn to secrecy for everything that was said that night, when we went back to school for the start of year 10, it was clear not many of them had stuck to their word.

“I was totally exposed to daily bullying with little to no support”

In short, the whole school knew. And not only that, they all seem to have found a brand new vocabulary of offensive language to hurl at me wherever I went. I had people of all ages yelling abusive phrases at me. And the worst part was, under Section 28, the teachers at the school could not and would not defend me or reprimand the offenders so I was totally exposed to daily bullying with little to no support. 

After another 6 months or so I had given up trying to deny the accusations and abusive name-calling. I’d had time to really think about how I felt and grown to understand myself much better. Despite the constant bullying, I came out publicly, at this time as gay.

Most of those people who had come to my BBQ party were no longer comfortable hanging out with me, though others found it some sort of badge of cool to be seen with me, though not too close. My best friend, although she initially seemed fine, suddenly backed away. Her friends wrote me notes in her name warning me to leave her alone, and that I made her feel sick.

It was deeply hurtful and isolating. But there were people who were true friends, people who stuck by me and some who stepped up and defended me against some of the abuse, I wasn’t completely alone but it certainly felt like it. 

“There was little understanding around identity and sexuality”

That is what it was like to come out in the 90’s; dangerous, isolating and in the eyes of the law disgraceful and disgusting. There was little understanding around identity and sexuality as the literature was banned from schools, and many institutions actively discouraged involvement of or with queer people.

I struggled at school to keep up my grades, I was so plagued with conflicting and terrifying thoughts that I couldn’t focus. Many teachers noticed and although some tried to help with additional classes, my confidence slipped dramatically. 

When I was 15, I was told about the ‘Out Youth Group’, a small group who met at a counselling center every other week in Winchester with some older volunteers. It was there that I finally found my truth, real emotional and psychological support, and was introduced to the queer community.

It wasn’t long until I sneaked into my first gay bar and found that I wasn’t alone on this journey and that there were people who would defend and support me no matter who I was. I might even one day find love. 

“I was able to stand strong and know myself”

I was bullied all the way through school until I left for sixth form but with the help of Out Youth and the volunteers there I was able to stand strong and know myself. I could see the abuse was so obviously coming from a place of ignorance. I’ve been a strong believer in the power of community ever since, its one of the main reasons I wanted to create BOiBOX for the Drag King community and why its become one of my proudest achievements.