Becoming comfortable with my sexuality was quite a journey for me. In many ways, it still is today. I’m originally from Rome, Italy and I grew up in a very religious household. During my teenage years, I pretended to be straight and had a few relationships with women. As you might imagine, I was very confused and all I knew about being gay was that it was perceived as sinful, negative and wrong by society… often enough homophobia was considered righteous.
It’s important to note that I was always quite shy as a kid and had feminine manners. I’ve never felt safe enough to openly talk about my feelings or my issues with anyone.
When I moved to London things started to change. I felt like the city “chased my straight away”. I did not feel like such an outcast; I felt understood. But this was only the beginning of my journey.
“Something in me struggled to let go of that sense of shame and fear of judgment”
During the first couple of years, in fact, I still had relationships with both men and women and still hid my true self. For some weird reason, something in me struggled to let go of that sense of shame and fear of judgment. Only two years later I decided to own my life: to unapologetically be me without fear, shame or any kind of negativity.
I was finally able to embrace my femininity and express my true identity. I gave myself the gift of living as my true self. I also realised that I was very self-judgemental. I was very hard on myself, harsh on other people and insecure. I used to be so scared of peoples’ opinions of me and tried to control how they perceived me.
It was like acting the life of someone else even though it was my own. It was very painful and it consumed a lot of my energy and time, although I should mention that my parents were both supportive once I fully came out, and they are very supportive to date. We do have different views on certain matters but our relationship is grounded in unconditional love, and that’s what truly matters.
As long as you love yourself and you feel great, there’s no need for extra validation. You’re f***ing great just the way you are.
Ultimately, being happy in my own skin made me more confident and much stronger both in everyday life and as an artist. I quickly developed a strong interest in androgyny and in the expression of femininity within the ‘male’ body and started to apply these interests to my visuals and songwriting. I created a sort of dualism between a female and a male sounding voice that is created by the same person.
“What is gender if not a construct that we, society, decided to agree on and take comfort from?”
I’ve recently started to identify as gender fluid: it’s been quite a discovery for me. I realised that I did not identify simply as a man; I felt more comfortable with the idea of being like raw matter that moulds and evolves in different forms and shapes…. feminine, masculine and everything in between. What is gender if not a construct that we, society, decided to agree on and take comfort from? And why are we, gender fluid/non-binary people, deprived of our basic rights, shamed, looked down upon, and marginalised? Is it fear? Ignorance?
Andrea Di Giovanni
Edited by Ash O'Keeffe
LGBTQ+ Artist & Activist
