Taj Taylor’s Coming Out Story

So, the very first time I came out was to my parents and it was actually completely unplanned. I remember that it happened sometime right before I went off to college, so I’ll put the date at the summer of 2014. It was really hot, and so I was walking around the house in just some shorts, a t-shirt and my chest binder underneath.

My mom, who was sitting in the living room, suddenly called me over. She randomly asked something along the lines of, “Hey, uh, your chest has been looking flatter lately, why is that?” And I froze on the spot; I was so taken aback. At that time, I had already been wearing my binder for about four months, but I really didn’t think that my mom had noticed.

I was dumb, and I answered back something like, “I like my chest this way”, which then prompted my mom to ask more questions again. Down the rabbit hole we went; she kept asking questions, and I kept answering them as straightforwardly as I could. Eventually, this led to me telling her that I was trans and explaining what that meant and how I felt.

I remember my mom got really quiet and focused when I spoke. Usually, she and I argued and talked over each other, but this time, she let me finish before responding. During our talk, my dad came home from work, and then he joined the conversation when my mom called him over.

I don’t remember if it was before or after my dad came over, but my mom had started crying. This, of course, made me cry, and we were both just trying to keep it together while continuing the conversation. My dad, on the other hand, was just really quiet. He almost didn’t say a single thing throughout it all.

“LGBTQ+ people aren’t exactly welcome in that branch of Christianity”

To provide some background info, I have a complicated relationship with my parents and I grew up in a somewhat strict, Christian childhood. My parents are Seventh-Day Adventists, and LGBTQ+ people aren’t exactly welcome in that branch of Christianity, much like the rest.

So I was terrified of coming out to them because I thought that they would abuse me or throw me out of the house. I wasn’t planning on telling them I was trans until after I went to college, mainly because I didn’t want to face whatever wrath I might’ve incurred. But then this situation just happened, and I found that I just couldn’t lie to my mom.

“I felt like such a horrible child for causing my parents so much pain”

I think I was just really tired of hiding who I really was, and so I broke down and told my parents. The response of my parents though really shocked me. There was no anger or frustration, just sadness, and contemplation, and in that moment, I felt like such a horrible child for causing my parents so much pain.

I’m glad that my parent’s initial reaction wasn’t anger, but instead, they reacted to this as if I had contracted a serious but curable disease. My mom kept saying things like, “We’ll get through this,” “You’re not alone,” or, “There are ways to fix this.” I really did not want to argue with her on that, and so I kind of just nodded along to what she was saying to placate her. I know now though that I should’ve been more firm in what I was saying because my mom read my response as me being unsure or undecided.

It’s been five years since then, and my parents still haven’t accepted me for who I am. They still call me my government name and use incorrect pronouns, and unfortunately, I don’t really think my mother will ever come around. However, I’ve noticed that my dad has become slightly relaxed towards my transness – just a bit.

“I had been hiding myself from my friends and my family”

But it’s a work in progress, and I haven’t given up on them 100% yet. I felt like I couldn’t lie anymore because all this time I had been hiding myself from my friends and my family.