Ever since I was little, I knew I was a little different from other kids but I always tried to fit in. It was only around the beginning of high school did I start acknowledging the fact that I am trans non-binary and queer.
Coming out to my family and school as queer was simple and I got no backlash for it. Sexuality always came easier to me and wasn’t as “shocking” as being trans so coming out as queer wasn’t too hard for me.
“if I came out as trans it would only add to my families burdens”
Growing up I have always been surrounded by the lgbt community. My mom is friends with tons of lgbt people so I have always known that coming out as trans should be ok. Although, I didn’t have the courage back then to come out to my family. I felt like if I came out as trans it would only add to my families burdens and I felt horrible that I would just add to it.
But, about a year ago I was in a very dark place and ended up isolating myself from just about everyone. Constantly being dead-named and misgendered made my dysphoria worse every day. During this time I also had no way to contact my friends for support because I got my phone taken away for being so moody (when it was just me not knowing how to deal with what I was going through).
I finally decided it was time to come out a bit later. I am terrible at expressing my feelings and explaining how I feel while speaking so I decided to write a letter instead. I explained how I was feeling so much in a dark place and how it’s all connected with me being trans non-binary.
“my family let me know that they loved me”
I explained that I needed to be called Caiden and that I need to be referred to as they or them. I printed that long letter out, tossed it on my parents’ dresser and RAN to bed. In the morning I was greeted as Caiden and my mom and the rest of my family let me know that they loved me.
I had never felt so relieved and happy in my life. News slowly has been spreading to the rest of my family and everyday I’m showed love and support. The only kind of rejection I felt came from my older sister. She constantly made transphobic jokes and misgendered me on purpose.
Once again, I had to explain to her how I was feeling and that was not ok, thankfully she listened. As for school I am not out yet, I am only out to specific people. I go to a catholic school where I feel like some people would not accept me. I was surprised that everyone is cool with me being queer and I feel like if I come out as non-binary it would just push things a little too far.
Caiden Louis
Edited by Aislinn O'Keeffe
LGBTQ+ Activist
