I grew up in a small Catholic town in southern Germany. Like every other gay boy, I knew relatively quickly that I liked men. Since there were no LGBTQ+ people in my school and I had no gay friends either, it was very difficult for me to find my truth. Perhaps I would have come out earlier if I had had a reference person who had openly confessed to their homosexuality.
“I told anyone who asked me about my sexuality that I was heterosexual”
Even when I was 18, I told anyone who asked me about my sexuality that I was heterosexual so as not to attract any attention. In order not to have to deal with my truth, I concentrated on my hobby, which was riding at that time. Every minute I had left I spent with my horse.
When my parents approached me about the subject, I immediately blocked any further conversation and of course said I wasn’t gay. At some point, I became more relaxed in my circle of friends and when a distant friend involved me in a conversation about her ex-boyfriend, she said something like: “Martin, we do not have it easy with men.”
And instead of always claiming I wasn’t interested in men, I left the statement in the room and simply agreed. Then, there came a few months in which I told some people that I was gay and others again I told them that I was hetero, depending on how I felt. In front of my family, I was of course not yet out at that time.
One year later I poked a boy on Facebook and fell in love with him immediately. However, he didn’t live in Germany, but in Austria’s capital Vienna, 7 hours by train away from me.
After we had skyped secretly for months, it was time for a meeting and I told my mother I would go to Austria, meet a friend who also happened to live there. So I visited him in Vienna, fell in love even more and was incredibly sad after I had to leave him again after a few days. How could I ever explain this to my parents?
“everything was clear and I had finally come out”
Shortly afterwards I flew on holiday with a friend and wrote the guy a postcard with hearts and “I love you” in PS. Since I didn’t have time to send the postcard, I took it back home to Germany and left it somewhere in my room.
A short time later my mother asked me casually when we were shopping when she would get to know the boy from the postcard and I knew that the moment of truth had come: I told her I would love to invite him and she would certainly like him. Everything was clear and I had finally come out.
Of course, my parents and my sister always knew that I was gay. I think every mother knows what is going on in her child. I’m still amazed today when mothers are totally surprised when their children come out. When I talk to my parents today about my coming out, they always tell me that they were always sure about my sexuality but wanted to give me the time to stand by myself and my truth.
Martin Ehmele
Edited by Ash O'Keeffe
LGBTQ+ Activist
