I started seeing this girl in November of 2015. She was beautiful, smart, quirky and was very different from people who’ve I’ve met in my life up until that point. I was sure that I wanted to be with her, sure about my feelings for her and sure that we could progress this relationship to a different level.
The problem was, I’ve never once mentioned to my mother that I was interested in women, and to her knowledge, I was still very much into men and was just taking a break from dating due to a breakup I experienced a few years prior.
Winter of 2016, especially around Valentine’s Day, I knew I was in love with this woman and I knew that I wanted to take the relationship to the next level. She was the first crush that I had who actually took me seriously and actually was interested in being with me.
So I planned this whole romantic Valentine’s day for her, with her. I knew she was someone special to me and I wanted to make sure she understood that, but I was going to be out of my house (because I lived with my mother at the time,) and I wanted to give her a heads up on where I would be.
“I for sure thought I was going to receive a welcoming reaction”
As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t mention to my mother that I was interested in women, but I tested the waters in previous conversations to see how she would receive such information. Trying to use other family members in the scenario, or make her watch TV shows relating to LGBTQ+ characters and watch her reactions and all was good, so I for sure thought I was going to receive a welcoming reaction right?
Wrong…
I sat on the hallway floor while my mother was in the bathroom and I very calmly told her I had something to tell her, as she asked me what, I couldn’t bring myself to actually tell her what it was.
She began listing different things that it possibly could be, “if I was pregnant,” or “if I was addicted to drugs,” or “if I had a boyfriend.” I shake my head no until the last thing she said was “do you have a girlfriend?”
“I was looking at a person I didn’t know”
I nodded my head yes and you could instantly see her face change to disbelief, confusion and hurt. I, confused myself because that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. My mom was always the cool parent, the one everyone loved to be around, the fun one. But all of that went out the window and suddenly I was looking at a person I didn’t know.
Over the next three months, I spent time with my girlfriend and the relationship between my mother and I became strained but we were still talking, just not about my girlfriend. She didn’t acknowledge it in any way, shape or form and I didn’t either. I just thought she needed time to process it before her coming to me with any questions, again
Wrong…
May of 2016, I’m having a normal late night conversation with my girlfriend and my mother asked if I was on the phone, I say yes and she walks away. I knew something about this didn’t feel right, so I tell my girlfriend to hold on so I can have this conversation with my mother.
“She just couldn’t stand to see me in such a light”
“I can’t see you see you happy while I’m walking around here miserable,” “You have a month you get your things and leave.” Those were the exact words she mentioned to me in that conversation. She wasn’t comfortable with me at all, she wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality. Never mind that I am her only child, never mind that I was happy, she just couldn’t stand to see me in such a light.
I head back to the phone, tell my girlfriend what happened, I cried myself to sleep that night and the next morning I started to make a list of things I needed to move out of that apartment. June 30th, the next month, I would be packing my things into my girlfriend’s car and moving in with her, only to never hear from my mother again.
Not all coming out stories are unicorns and rainbows, but they all teach you something about the people around you. I couldn’t be happier with myself and how far I’ve come in life. Because honestly without this experience happening in my life, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Kyanna Simone
Edited by Ash O'Keeffe
LGBTQ+ Activist
