Before I came out, when I was in college, I always had those curiosities. Those urges. I never acted on them because I thought it was a phase that would eventually pass.
One day those urges got the best of me and I realised that this was who I was and nothing would change that. I spent almost a year, after the first encounter, hiding it from everyone. Parents, friends, co-workers. I didn’t know how they would react so I kept it hidden.
“I realised this was not how I wanted to live my life”
Eventually, I met someone special and got into a serious relationship. Someone who made me feel amazing and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. We kept our relationship down low for a few months. Soon I realised this was not how I wanted to live my life.
Lying about where I was and who I was with was something I didn’t want to continue. My partner at the time helped me sum up the courage to come out and told me that he would be there when I did.
The first person I wanted to come out to was my mother. I drove to her house, nervous as ever. She loved all her children, but you never know what someone’s reaction may be. I arrived at her house and I can only imagine how pale I was with nervousness.
After trying to find the perfect moment in the conversation to tell her, I realised something. There is no perfect moment. She paused after she made a comment in our conversation and I told her: “Mom I have something to tell you… I’m gay and I have a boyfriend.”
She stopped and looked at me. I felt like “this is it.” “I’m going to lose the relationship I had with my mother.” However, she stood up, walked over to me and gave me a hug. She then said, “I’m not surprised, but I didn’t expect it.”
“I have never felt so much stress leave my body at a single time”
We looked at each other and just laughed. She said she will always love me no matter who I was with. I have never felt so much stress leave my body at a single time. She is, still to this day, my rock, my mother, and my angel.
This story is not a story of hardships and struggles, for the most part. I know I am one of the lucky ones to have parents, family, and friends that will always love and care for me no matter who I decide to spend my life with.
“Love is love and always wins”
I know a lot of people aren’t so lucky. This is why I choose to tell my story. There will always be people that look at you as if you don’t matter. I want to be that person anyone can come to talk to if there is a problem or fear for someone who hasn’t come out yet. That’s my goal and I’m sticking to it. Love is Love and always wins.
Edited by Ash O'Keeffe