What if I was to tell your sexuality can be 100% fluid, would you believe me?

Currently there is a big debate around whether our sexuality can be fluid or not. We’ve heard the dreaded sentence “You’re just in a phase”, which is one of the worst things we can hear while coming out. But, what if we were just a phase and we’ve just started our journey to finding who we truly are?

Yes, I know I’m breaking all the rules & annoying a lot of lgbtq+ members. But our sexuality can change over time and 210 lgbtq+ members agreed that sexuality is fluid. So, the question is what is sexuality?

Well, welcome to our…

Sexuality 101 – 2018 Edition

Sexuality Definition: Sexuality is just one of those things you are born with, you do not choose it, it’s just part of who you are. Only you can truly know your sexuality because no-one can feel the things you feel except yourself. – Urban Dictionary

Sexuality has nothing to do with sex. It’s all about our feelings, emotions, sexual attraction and even behaviours towards other people. If you fancy someone who’s a woman & you’re also a woman, you may identify as a lesbian. There are many sexuality labels out there which help identify how you’re feeling.

You can find them all in our A – Z Sexuality List, where we look at all the sexuality labels out there & help identify how you’re feeling at this moment in time.


The most common mistake about sexuality is that it’s not fluid, but there is an actual definition out there to explain what some of us are feeling.

Fluid Sexuality is an identity label that highlights that within our lifetime our sexuality may develop. It’s given to those who feel like their sexuality is developing or their attraction to another gender is becoming stronger. But, in my eyes this isn’t a sexuality identity label, it’s called being human. 

Above is a scale, for years it’s been seen as you’re either heterosexual or homosexual. But as time as gone on, the in-between has been filled with bisexuality, pansexuality, asexuality & so on (More labels shown in A-Z Sexuality List). If you picture sexuality as a scale, then your sexuality can be 100% straight to 100% lgbqt. I want to stress, this is not a choice. 

Sexuality is something you’re born with, just like you’re born straight, you can be born bisexual. But, what if in 2016 you came out as bisexual but in 2018 you feel like you actually identify with the label lesbian? Well, I like to call it your discovergay. You see, these phases we’re told about may actually be true. But in no way, shape or form does this diminish that sexuality label.

What is Discovergay?

Imagine, you’re on your journey throughout life & suddenly you realise you’re taking a different turn to what you do normally. Does this now mean you’re lost? Maybe, as this new chapter in your life is undiscovered, but as we grow into the adults we are meant to be, life has other plans for us.

This discovery of self-identity, is a natural occurrence that all of humanity goes through.

Sexuality is one heck of a journey. We spend years struggling to fit into one label & then over time we may no longer feel like that label describes our emotions. But, ask yourself. Is this really a bad thing? 

It’s a crazy concept, but what if we loved whoever we loved without any labels attached? What if, we just be who we are without having to confine ourselves to one label?

I can’t figure out my sexuality, help 🙁

So, right now you’re lost on how you identify and you’re scrambling through the web to try connect with someone. It may be even why you’re here, you’re trying to find that one person who is the same as you. But you’re not alone, as millions of lgbtq+ members have gone through the same journey you’re going through right now.

One way I suggest to understand your sexuality is to read coming out stories. Understanding & reading how other members figured out their sexuality may just help you figure out yours.

So, what should you take away from this?

  1. Sexuality is fluid & can develop throughout your life
  2. No one experiences one sexuality label the same
  3. You can identify as fluid sexuality & be valid
  4. No one ever has the right to tell you how you should identify
  5. Be patient with yourself & understand it may take years to figure out

If you need further help in figuring out your sexuality, head over to our A – Z Sexuality List as you may even find your label.

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Charlotte Summers

Owner / Blogger

Written by Charlotte Summers & Edited by Aislinn O’Keeffe