Coming out is the terminology used to describe the process of sharing your sexuality/gender identity with the world. Many LGBTQ+ members struggle with sharing these personal details due to it being a sensitive topic. 

Without knowing how friends/family will react to the news we’re LGBTQ+, this uncertainty leaves us feeling anxious and frankly terrified to share the news… we’re not straight. Speaking from my own personal experiences, my family/friends reacted positively and it was amazing to be accepted. But prior to this I still felt all of these emotions. So here are some tips on how to come out to your friends and family.

1. Be Patient

What’s so important is to be patient with yourself and others. Right now, you may be feeling so many emotions you may not truly understand what’s going on. Sometimes we need time to process our emotions and come to terms with what’s actually happening.

If you’re not 100% or are confused, then don’t panic. Be patient and reach out to fellow LGBTQ+ members to talk through what’s going on. It may be that you just need that extra guidance before you come out to everyone and that’s 100% ok. 

2. Read Coming Out Stories

Reading other coming out stories is an amazing way to explore different sexualities. Through others, we can learn so much and be prepared for scenarios that may occur. But most importantly, we see the other side of being open with our sexuality or gender identity. 

Every week we upload a new coming out story to show the diversity in our community as well as the strength. We all face unique problems and through our stories we can help others prepare for certain situations. 

3. Labels Aren’t For Everyone

Labels come in the shape and form of Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Gay and so on. Trying to figure out our sexuality can be confusing, as sometimes labels overlap. For an extra hand, check out our A-Z Sexuality list where we’ve included all the documented sexualities in 2019.

If you’re struggling to figure out which sexuality suits you best, it’s important to understand that you don’t need a label to identify within the LGBTQ+ community and can still be as valid without labelling yourself. We sometimes feel pressured to come out with a label attached, but we simply can say we’re not straight and still be as valid. Don’t force yourself to be anything, just be you!

4. Do Your Own Research

We live in an era of the internet and like ourselves, there are many blogs and social media pages where they give advice on coming out and other LGBTQ+ related situations. The more we educate ourselves on topics that affect us directly, we develop a self-awareness that prior, we didn’t have. 

We aren’t taught LGBTQ+ topics and what we see in the mainstream media is sometimes an exaggeration of the truth. So my recommendation is to read real-life situations and understand that your sexuality/gender identity doesn’t change your worth as a human being. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently. No matter what, we are still equal to everyone else around us.

5. Talk to Other LGBT+ People

The world is full of LGBTQ+ individuals who have all experienced coming out in different ways, so talk to them! We aren’t scary and we have all been through the coming out process. So talk to us, ask questions and hear our stories. It will not only help you gain a further understanding of coming out, but you may make some friends along the way. The LGBTQ+ community is here to love, support and help others. So, don’t be frightened to reach out.

6. Expect The Worst

Sometimes, we can’t help the views of others. We have to accept that there will be people out there that will judge and discriminate against us, just because of our sexuality. Whether this be your parents or friends, it’s not our fault they feel such strong hate towards the LGBTQ+ community.

When you come out, there will be individuals that can take it badly. You may get bullied, people will talk and things will get said to you. But, don’t let this change who you are. In life, people will always talk and judge you so why not let them talk about you whilst you’re happy being your true self.

When I accepted that I could never control others views, I let go and started living my life for me. We only get one shot, there isn’t enough time to worry about the ifs and buts. You have to do things for yourself and if you upset and lose people along the way, then that’s their problem, not yours.

7. Confide in a Close Friend

Now, with this one you need to make sure that whoever you confide in will not tell anyone. You need to be able to trust this person with your life and they need to be able to keep this secret until you’re ready. But, talking about your feelings out loud sometimes makes sense of what’s going on in your head.

Getting it all out into the world, even if it’s just to one person sometimes can change your whole attitude towards coming out. But if you don’t have anyone to confide in then don’t worry because we are here. If you ever need to talk about how you are feeling, we are active 24/7 and will always help and try give the best advice we can. So, just get in touch and we will get back to you asap. 

8. Forget All You Know About LGBTQ+ People

This one kind of links in with research, but you need to forget all of what you think you know about LGBTQ+ individuals. The media for so long has painted us in a certain light that stereotypes and myths plague the community. As ever, they aren’t anything but fabricated lies and are complete bullsh*t.

Not all gay people act the same way, not all lesbians hate men and you know what, bisexual’s aren’t greedy! So, start afresh and do you. You don’t have to be a certain way to identify within the LGBTQ+ community, you just need to be you. 

9. You Don’t Need to Come Out

The concept that when you’ve figured it all out & then you must come out, is so wrong because the reality is, you don’t have to come out. We never see straight people go;

“Oh hey, by the way, I’m straight. I thought I should just let you know” 

It’s not a thing, so why should it be a thing for us? You don’t have to ever come out if you don’t want to, as coming out shouldn’t really have to be a thing. But hey, that’s for another post! All you need to do is be happy within yourself, if you’re happy and content with who you are. Then you don’t need to justify that to anyone, let alone the world.

10. Make Sure You’re Happy

My final tip for coming out is… make sure at the end of all this that you’re happy. Sometimes, we need to be selfish and think about our own happiness. If coming out will make you 100x happier, then do it for you. God yeah, there may be hurdles along the way. But in the end, you finally get to live your life how you intended.

This is your life, don’t let others determine how you live. Be you, do you and be happy.