My coming out story is strange because l don’t really know where it started. I told my mom early summer that l was questioning my gender (even though l knew l was trans, l just wasn’t ready to say it out loud). She wasn’t really shocked because l was never really a girly girl and dressed like a boy throughout elementary. l used to love when people would mistake me for a boy. l remember thinking if l dressed like a boy long enough l’d wake up and be one.

“l was never comfortable during this time of my life”

Puberty hit and l remember thinking “well the gigs up” and decided to try to be a girl. l was never comfortable during this time of my life. l would wear baggy clothes to cover my curves. Senior year of high school l cut my hair short (something l’d wanted to do for a long time but was too scared). That’s when everything started to click.

l still tried dressing girly and wearing makeup sometimes but nothing ever felt right. l started dressing more androgynous and went by a more male counterpart of my name. It felt more right but not quite what l wanted. l bought myself a binder shortly before l told my mom. l was questioning and asked people to call me Spencer. l finally felt right, like l finished the puzzle l’d been working on my whole life.

Finally, l had a sit down with my parents and told them that l’d been going by Spencer and planned to go on hormone replacement therapy and a future of top surgery and it didn’t go down as well as l had hoped, but it didn’t go terribly. My dad supports me but doesn’t respect the name or pronouns so to me he doesn’t support me. He claims he’s going to eventually get it but l have not seen any strides to getting better at it and l see no effort on his part.

” l finally felt right, like l finished the puzzle l’d been working on my whole life.”

My mom has been trying really hard to get the pronouns right but has been calling me Spencer about 75% of the time. I have a very feminine voice and passing to strangers and class mates has been a real struggle for me. But, luckily I have very supportive friends and I have my instagram to help me when I’m feeling dysphoric or not “man enough”.

l am so lucky to have social media through this time of my life though. being able to connect with people out there who are also going through this has been so important and l get all the support l need through my mutual followers. It’s been a real journey accepting myself and dealing with my internalized transphobia but l’m so glad l took the plunge. The hardest part is the beginning and there are a lot of downfalls but there are times where it’s so rewarding.

l would also like to shoutout Miles Mckenna because l was really questioning myself when he came out as trans and l have always been able to identify with him as we have a lot of parallels and watching his journey has helped me with mine.