Both online and off, I’ve been the recipient of countless invasive questions. Men have called me a ‘bitch’, ‘whore’ and ‘attention seeker’ because I’ve refused to tell them the details of my sex life when they’ve asked ‘just out of curiosity.

Maybe it’s because I’m an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights or maybe it’s just because I’m a bi girl they’ve happened to come across, but men have for some reason assumed that I’ll offer up my sexual experiences as fantasies for them to get off to.

I’ve had men tell me my sexuality is acceptable as long as the woman I’m fucking is hot by their standards. I’ve had men wink at me and ask me if I’m bi to ‘impress’ them. ‘That’s hot’ I’ve heard time and time again – they don’t consider that they’re talking about a part of my identity that was true of me even when I was in primary school. I may not have had the label to describe it back then, but I was bi, at a point when I knew nothing about sex and just hoped to fall in love one day. Bisexuality isn’t just about sex, and when it is, it’s certainly not about outsiders – people looking for a ‘show’.

I’m sick of people mistaking the sexualisation of queer women as acceptance when there’s such an obvious lack of respect. I’m sick of people thinking it should be taken as a compliment and not fought against because hey, at least we’re not getting beaten up due to homophobic hatred, right? I’m sick of young lesbians and bi+ girls being taught that their identities are only porn categories. Queer activists’ voices get buried under sexualisation and pictures of wlw couples get flooded with horny men’s comments.

I’m sick of the blame being put on us; there’s this idea that if you get sexualised as a queer woman then it’s your fault for parading your sexuality. In the past I’ve accepted disgusting comments as a consequence of being visibility queer, however this is an issue we can’t keep ignoring. These gross perceptions are affecting queer women everywhere and it’s time we resisted and stopped accepting that ‘it’s just the way it is’.
Stop sexualising queer women. We’re not here for you, and we never will be