To kick start 2018, we are looking at why LGBTQ+ people feel ashamed or embarrassed by their sexuality or gender identity. But before we start, I want to address something.

I am not saying that all LGBTQ+ people are ashamed of their identity. Some of us are lucky to not care what society has to think, but we are not all blessed with this luxury. Some of us have to learn & embrace who we are.

So, the big question is. Why are we ashamed to be LGBTQ?+

Why don’t I fit in?

The majority of the time, you start to realise that something is different when you don’t fit in with all of your friends. What I mean by this is that you’re either not interested in the opposite sex or anyone at all. It could even be that you feel like you identify with another gender more than the one that was assigned to you. So, what do all these crazy emotions and feelings mean?

For a minority,  it means nothing and it is a phase that we grow out of. You can’t deny the fact that we all go through different phases & some individuals grow out of certain characteristics, saying that we don’t is unrealistic.

But for many of us, this is where we start to realise – somethings up. We can’t figure out what, but our spidey senses are tingling & we know.

But this sense of not belonging stems our embarrassment & I truly believe this is where a lot of us become ashamed of who we are because we don’t fit into the norms that surround us. I know personally, this is where my embarrassment came from. I wanted to fit in & being LGBTQ+ at this stage of my life would have meant I was No1 on the hit-list.

What do you do if you know you’re different & think you identify within the LGBTQ+ community?

Good question. I’m not going to give you a cheat list on how to fit in & how to figure it all out. Because it doesn’t exist.

But what I did personally, is researched for hours on end to try to figure it out. But most importantly, I stopped pretending these emotions didn’t exist – Check out my full post here. Hopefully what I went through can give some guidance. 

Where is the LGBTQ+ representation at?

I can’t deny, the amount of LGBTQ+ representation in mainstream media is amazing. Just the other night Courtney Act from Ru Paul’s Drag Race went into the Celebrity Big Brother House (UK).

LGBTQ+ celebrities are helping shape the way for the community which is honestly the best thing ever. Many of us look to celebrities for guidance & with the massive representation, it’s only going to get better.

But… and I’m so sorry that there is a but. I have this niggling feeling that someday, this isn’t going to be enough. Celebrities sometimes have it easy as they don’t have to deal with normal life. If someone calls them a ‘massive lesbian’ they can laugh it of in their mansion whilst we have to sit and cry about it in our one bedroom flat.

What I’m getting at here, is that we need LGBTQ+ representation within all aspects of life. Not just mainstream media. What we see in the media isn’t real life & we need to see that LGBTQ+ individuals can live stereotypical normal lives whilst still being gay.

I remember when my English teacher came out as a lesbian to the whole class of 15-16-year-olds. That level of braveness & sense of proudness is something I can now look back on and admire. This is the type of representation I’m saying we need – real-life individuals facing the world & being proud of who they are.

If we had more representation like this, I think we wouldn’t be ashamed as we would know we wouldn’t grow up into complete messes.

‘Coming out’

This is a major part of our little gay lives. Actually facing the world & telling everyone who we are. But I hate how this is a thing, do straight people have to state they like having relationships with the opposite sex? No .

Having to tell family & friends your sexual preferences & gender identity is so embarrassing.

I’m British, so sex weirds me out period. I can’t deal with people talking about it, so for me then to talk to my family about how I’m bisexual which means I’ll have relationships with both male & females.


The fact I’m disclosing personal details to justify my sexuality, I have to tell everyone everything for them to understand. So no wonder we are embarrassed as we don’t want those dreaded 21 questions about sex because let’s be real, that’s what it all comes down to.

I still find myself getting embarrassed talking about my sexuality to complete strangers because they don’t have to say oh by the way I’m straight. But yet I’m there telling them how I have a girlfriend yet I’m not a lesbian & yes I have had boyfriends previously & no I’m not experimenting.

So, can you blame us for being embarrassed? 


There are many reasons to why we feel embarrassed and ashamed of our identity. What I’ve stated are only a select few out of hundreds.  So this is where you can tell us, why do you think the LGBTQ+ community is ashamed? Let me know & let’s start talking about why we shy away from our identity!