Coming out can be one of the scariest times in someone’s life. Holding this big secret in & not knowing how the world will perceive you. You start to worry what everyone will say & how will everyone act?
Questions like these sometimes can’t be answered till the moment happens. Sometimes it can go really well, other times it can be a complete disaster. That’s life, nothing is ever simple & it will have so many twists and turns that you won’t be able to keep up.
But how do you go about telling your family & friends you identify in the LGBTQ community? This decision is completely up to you, you can scream it out to the world or just tell a selection of close individuals. It’s important to do it when you are ready!
Coming out tips from a trans guy:1) Test the waters before coming out, talk with your parents about LGBTQ rights or current LGBTQ news, use their reaction wether its positive or negative to navigate certain conversation and to decide wether its safe or not to come out.2) Be informed on what to say to your parents if your coming out as trans, know about HRT, therapy, and lots of info about any steps your hoping to take in your transition. That way you don’t leave your parents on their own to absorb false and possibly biased info.3) Push your parents to let you attend support groups, even if they’re not accepting! I’ve met plenty of Queer teens at support groups even if they have unsupportive parents. At these groups there are usually separate parent groups where your parents can meet supportive parents and learn from other adults. If not support groups maybe consider a gender therapist (if your trans) usually these therapists help the family transition as a whole and will not only help you but your parents too.4) BE PATIENT! Your parents first reaction isn’t their last reaction! Give them lots of time to get used to your identity! Its a shock to all parents just because it takes time to get used to. My mom wasn’t thrilled when I first came out to her but know she is my #1 supporter. Remember to not be discouraged by a negative reaction! Your parents still love you no matter what.5) Always make sure its safe for you to come out. Staying in the closet can be torture but putting yourself in danger because you came outs worse.
Be yourself – don’t get caught up in what you think they are going to say. Be relaxed and tell YOUR story and keep it personal and about you.Don’t let anyone interrupt – Say what you need to say before anyone else talks.Be comfortable – if you don’t think you are ready to come out don’t, do it when you are 110% comfortable and ready.Be simple – It may be foreign to your family so explain it to them. Don’t go saying “I’m a genderqueer dyke transgender” It would be way to much for them to understand.Be reassuring – They will worry about you, your future, you safety etc. Tell them that you will still be the same person inside and out.Be respectful – You want them to know the ‘real’ you so be respectful. Show them what you want and they will do the same back.Be confident – This is who you are you know you better than anyone else. Tell them how long you have known, how you came to terms with trans was the term that best fit your identity. It helps them understand that it isn’t a phase and it is really you.To end it all, tell them what you want or need from the family/friends, ask them to get used to your name and pronouns, it will take time so correct them if needed
It truly should be when you are ready. And as a queer person who lives in south in America, coming out to your family, especially when some of your family is queer/ gay, can tell you that you need to stay in the closet. It makes you angry and sometimes makes you feel like they are ashamed of you. My family says that have good intentions but good intentions pave the road to hell right?I first came out to my friends, who , amazingly were all lgbtq orientated and gladly accepted me.
When you’re coming out to someone, be as open and honest as you can. Don’t hold anything back. If they don’t accept you for who you are, give it time, it’s a lot of new information to process. If they completely block you out then screw them. Stick with the people that love you.
There is no right or wrong way to come out. When I came out, I told a select few friends & only a matter of days ago, I’ve recently told the world. You don’t ever have to do it when you don’t want to & it’s always your decision.
Coming out is a time in your life when you are accepting who you are & embracing that you identify in the LGBTQ community. Don’t be ashamed of yourself & stand proud of your sexuality.
If you ever want to talk about how & when you want to come out, myself & ash are always here to help you out. You can reach us on Instagram & the contact page!
The Unite Team